On Becoming a Father
In our age we are repeatedly captivated by our smartphones. Every time we look at our phone we hope for something new. Operant conditioning has made us thus.
Recently, I became a father and I realized a baby precedes the smartphone in the level of attention I give it – that is, I look at my baby over and over every time expecting something new, or just staring or just wondering. There is no competition. A blind man was asked what he’d like to see if he recovered his sight – he said, a child’s smile. Honestly, I might as well throw away my phone now.
So many wazaif and ayat for delivery and for preparing for pregnancy. Surah Inshiqaq, jaggery, Ya Latif, Ya Karim, the coolness of our eyes. It is no surprise the most often sought wazaif are those relating to pregnancy and the prayers for children are repeatedly mentioned in the stories of the ambiya.
Some quotations below from Fath-ud-Dayyan, an old Shafi’i fiqh manual I found written in English from Sri Lanka published around 100 years ago. It includes many wazaif, duas and remedies not found in modern books.
Babies are little astronauts. They come from ‘mother earth’ where they are nourished without any effort and emerge into a world where they gasp for air and learn a whole new skill set to survive. Like astronauts who struggle to see far into the distant, babies struggle to see far away. Moms are their only aid…I guess that makes dad’s lifeless planets!
Imam an-Nawawi says in Kitab al-Adkhar citing a few hadith, that a child is to be named on the 7th day, have an animal slaughtered and to have harm warded off (which is interpreted to head shaved and charity distributed per weight equal in gold). Why these rites for a baby?
Didn’t Allah teach Adam the Names? What exactly does the name signify? We wonder at the creator of Names. And hair is equated with intelligence or plentitude of salvation or forgiving sins? Hair and gold. Perhaps to have us ponder the value of the material in light of our loved ones. Shaykh Abdul-Qadir al-Jilani would hold his baby when it was born and say you are dead to me. Shocking, but he intended to detach himself from everything in this world, to be attached to Allah.
When I went to slaughter the lamb I thought about the qurbani for a child. Did not Allah SWT ‘sacrifice’ his favourite angel, Iblis, when he created Adam? Did not Ibrahim (unintentionally) slaughter a ram for Isma’il? Didn’t Abdul Muttalib sacrifice almost 90 or 100 (I can’t remember exact amount) of animals for Abdullah to compensate for the oath he swore he’d slaughter a son if he had 10 or 12 sons? Qurbani is to build an animal farm in the akhira or the ghayb for ourselves. Maybe that animal is running around in the ghayb distracting the dogs of fitan and imtihaan so those difficulties never visit us.
And what have we done to deserve the blessing of children? It is a way of appreciating the blessings of parents we could not appreciate as children growing up. Allah cares for us. We only really want his care. The West is young and independent, but the ummah is child-like in its nature. That is the reality of Muslims: child-like innocence and need for Allah. A shaykh said if we want our duas answered as per the ayah fal yastajeebu lee…then we must make dua like a baby crying.
I really don’t know much about being a parent. I just know the list of blessings I don’t deserve but am still blessed with grow everyday. May Allah grant me tawfiq to be a good dad, ameen.
Subhanakallahumma wa bihamdika ash-haduana la illaha illa Ant astaghfiruka wa atubu ilayk, ameen.
