I’ve Converted, and It’s Christmas…
The winter holiday season is once again here, and as converts to Islam, whether we come from observant or secular Christian backgrounds, it’s often a time of confusion, stress, and loneliness, especially in the early days. As someone who embraced Islam many years ago, I’ve been through, and seen in other converts, a range of approaches to dealing with the season and with the inevitable family drama it can bring, and I hope the lessons learned may help others just starting out on their Muslim journeys.
Can Muslims Celebrate Christmas?
In a word: No! Make no mistake, intentionally celebrating Christmas as a religious holiday to mark the birth of Jesus (peace be upon him) is not something that practising Muslims should be doing. Alhamdulillah Islam is a complete way of worship, and we have our own celebrations to enjoy.
However, nothing in life is black and white, and the lived reality for a convert, especially a new convert, may mean they cannot avoid certain aspects of the holidays. There may be mitigating circumstances for many converts, at least for a year or two after taking shahada. We will look at some of these cases below.
Unless these circumstances apply to you, however, nothing in this article should be taken as a general fatwa permitting the celebration of any holiday not mandated by the Qur’an and Sunnah.
Now that has been made clear, let’s look at a few examples of how converts in different circumstances have dealt with Christmas. These scenarios could of course apply to any religious celebration, such as Diwali, Kwanzaa, Channukah and others.
I’ve converted but haven’t told my parents, and I still live at home…
Many new converts feel a need to hide their Islam from their friends and family at the beginning, and for a variety of reasons. If you fall into this category, especially if you are still living in your family home, then it will be very difficult to avoid participating in the normal activities of the day without arousing suspicion. I’ve heard of converts who picked up Christmas day work shifts for this reason, but that isn’t possible for many. Especially young converts who may be students or otherwise financially dependent on their parents, there really isn’t much choice in the matter.
If this is you, please know that Allah SWT is aware of your circumstances, and He SWT only asks us to worship Him to the best of our ability. You may decide to simply avoid the religious aspect, but engage in the family gathering with the intention of upholding good relations with your loved ones. If your family is religious and you simply can’t avoid church without risk, again Allah SWT knows what is in your heart, avoid what you can (for example, don’t sing the hymns) and ask for Allah’s Mercy over the rest.
I’ve converted and I have children from my first marriage…
Many people assume that if someone converts, their children automatically become Muslim too, but the reality is often very different. It can be very difficult for children who have always celebrated Christmas to understand why their mum or dad no longer wants to. Whether your children are still small, or are teens, it is worth having a discussion with them about your new faith and what it means.
Many converts opt to wean their children off Christmas step by step. One mother I know who came from a devoutly Catholic family planned her children’s transition like this: Year 1, they still decorated and exchanged gifts and visited family, but they did not attend church services. Year 2, they exchanged gifts and visited family, but she didn’t have a tree. Year 3, they agreed together to only visit family for dinner, but kept the gift exchanges for both Eid days instead. In between, she took care to make Ramadan and Eid as special as she could with decorating, food, iftar gatherings and so on to help her children see that they were not ‘losing’ anything in leaving Christmas behind, alhamdulillah.
In the case where the children’s other parent does celebrate the holidays, however, it can be trickier. Again, discussing the issue with your children is important. If your children have not decided to be Muslim with you, you cannot force them to give up Christmas or any other celebration, but you can and should try to involve them in your new religion and community as much as possible, so they can appreciate for themselves its beauty inshaAllah.
I’ve converted and the people I work with celebrate…
The office party, Secret Santa, festive lunches…if your colleagues don’t know you’ve converted, you may feel awkward to suddenly pull out of all the normal yearly activities, especially as many employers view this time of year as a great opportunity for team building.
However, rest assured that all of these activities are not mandatory, and if you don’t want to participate, you should not feel bad about it.
If you are not ready to disclose your new religion to your workplace, it is easy to come up with any excuse not to attend, such as family commitments. If they do know that you are Muslim, a simple, “Thank you but I don’t celebrate Christmas anymore, but have fun!” should suffice.
I’ve converted, but it’s the only time of year I can see my family…
It is unfortunate that much of the West has a calendar centred on this time of year, making it the one time that almost everyone can take holidays and visit loved ones. If you live away from your family and the ‘festive season’ is the only time you can see them all, it can seem cruel to not visit.
I do know of many converts who do attend family gatherings at Christmas for this very reason, but they have the intention of keeping family ties, and consciously consider 25th December to just be a normal day, and they do not give or receive gifts. Others chose to visit the day before or the day after. In any case, avoidance of any religious observance is essential in these circumstances to avoid any doubt, and Allah SWT knows best.
If you opt to not participate and to visit your family at other times, be sure to discuss it with them in a loving and kind manner, reassure them of your plans to visit, and avoid being harsh or bringing religious rulings into the discussion. Be mindful that their view of Islam will be impacted by how we treat them, so always strive to be kind and give da’wah by example inshaAllah.
I’ve converted, and I got married and have small children, and my parents want to give them Christmas presents…
If you’ve spent some time as a single new Muslim choosing to engage with your family over Christmas, you may find that marriage and children will change your perspective somewhat. Building your own family means that now you are not the only person in the equation, and your spouse and children must also be considered.
It is very important before marriage to discuss with your potential spouse how you will navigate issues like holidays with your non-Muslim family. From the start, clearly lay out your mutual expectations, including how much you will expose your future children to. Whatever you decide, discuss it with your family as well so they aren’t blindsided, and hurt, by any changes. Christmas is a time when many grandparents look forward to spoiling their grandchildren, so discussing in advance with your family how they can navigate this with you will avoid bad feelings later on.
If you are already a parent, and you didn’t lay this groundwork, then it is important to approach it from now with love and kindness. If your parents want to give gifts, you don’t need to refuse them, but you can opt to actually give them to your children at another time. You can also encourage your parents to delay the gifts until Eid, and to invite them to celebrate with you at that time inshaAllah. Giving your family members Eid gifts as well can be a good icebreaker in this regard inshaAllah.
I’ve converted, and I’m lonely…
Lastly, we must also acknowledge that Christmas is a time of great nostalgia for many converts, and leaving it can bring loneliness, especially as there can be very little to distract us on the day itself. For those of us who are on our own at this time of year, Christmas day can be very isolating. The best advice is to be proactive in finding something beneficial to do on the day. As most people have the day off, you may find that your local mosque will be hosting a special talk or activity. Many Muslim-owned restaurants will be open, perfect for gathering some friends together for an impromptu social. Reach out to others in your networks who may be alone on that day, you may find many who are also struggling and who will appreciate the gesture.
Finally, for the non-convert Muslims…
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with this time of year as a new Muslim, and I would remind my born Muslim brothers and sisters to be mindful when talking about Christmas with someone who has recently come into Islam. If they have chosen to navigate their personal circumstances in a specific way, it is not our place to criticise that choice, for they may have circumstances in play that we know nothing about.
Blanket statements about the prohibition of celebrating, or of ‘imitating a people’, while true for most Muslims, are not necessarily practical or feasible for the new convert, especially if their conversion is not public yet. Rather than advice, ask what support they need. Extend a hand of friendship, not an eye of judgement. Your kindness, empathy and understanding could turn a lonely time into one of lasting memories for them inshaAllah.
Related:
[Podcast] Navigating Christmas: Advice to Converts, from Converts | Hazel Gomez & Eman Manigat
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