Aahadith That Gave Me A New Perspective As A Parent
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List of Ahadith that Really Helped Me as a Parent
Ahadith That Feel Like a Bandaid in Motherhood
A Hadith That Changed My Life After Parenthood
17) Sacrifices made for the sake of Allah, lead to Jannah!
Many mothers feel like they went from being the queen of the house to being the slave of the house. Remember that we are born as free people. Whatever we do on this earth is a choice and we are accountable for it. For eg: I may say – “I have to cook a meal today!” But, it’s still a choice I’m making because I don’t like the consequences that follow if I fail to do that. It may make me feel worse, because my kids may become even more cranky and I can’t go hungry either to be honest. So I didn’t really HAVE TO cook, I CHOSE to cook (even when it was difficult). Same goes with homeschooling, nursing-on-demand, cleaning etc. And this phrase is like regaining power and reminding yourself that I chose these extra responsibilities in my life after motherhood because it felt right to me and I made the conscious decision to be here – even if it is so SO hard! Next time you are doing something that you have to do, choose to do it as well.
Jannah is a result of conscious decisions that we make. And I know your choices won’t become easy like that. So each time you will break in two, remember this hadith…
“A (poor) woman entered upon Aisha with her 2 daughters, and she gave her 3 dates. (The woman) gave each of her daughters a date, then she split the last one between them. She (Aisha) said: ‘Then the Prophet ﷺ came and I told him about that. He said:’ Why are you surprised? She will enter Paradise because of that.” [Ibn Majah 3668]
When you break your time in two, when you share your bed space with one arm stuck beneath one child and the other wrapped around the second, when you share your body by hosting one inside your belly and nursing the other, when you break your sleep in two over and over as you console one child and feed another to slumber, I hope that this hadith acts like a balm on those days when you break in two over and over, saving pockets of Jannah for yourself over and over in shaa Allah.
18) Fara’id always come above nawaafil (obligations over supererogatory!)
My mother and I were working in the kitchen together. I said something in Arabic and laughed at my bad grammar (as non-Arabs, Arabic does not roll that easily on our tongues – even after all these years of learning).
She smiled and said: “I love your determination. You always achieve the goals you set your mind to. We never had to help you in your studies in childhood too.”
I said: “And at this point in life, I’m also learning to see the thin line placed between determination and stubbornness. Resilience and obsession. To be open-minded enough to accept that I need to take a break or even give up.”
She said: “But someone like you wouldn’t say that unless they were exhausted beyond a point of burn out.”
I said: “True. And sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you’ve crossed the point where you just need a little push or a break (or to let go completely).”
Then I reminded her of the hadith:
Messenger of Allah ﷺ entered the mosque and saw a rope tied between 2 pillars. He said: “What is this rope?” They said: “It belongs to Zainab. She prays here and when she gets tired, she holds on to it.” He said: “Untie it, untie it; let any one of you pray when he has energy. If he gets tired, let him sit down.” [Sunan Ibn Majah 1371]
I’m sure Zainab رضي الله عنها thought that she just needed a little help in achieving her goal. But what she was aiming at was not sustainable. It’s hard to put ehsaan or khushoo in your obligations when you have exhausted yourself in supererogatory deeds. You may end up achieving that particular goal, but the imbalance in your life around that goal is not always worth that extra push. The giveaway is usually the fact that you’ve started to put nawaafil (supererogatory acts) over fara’id (obligations). That’s where you know your priorities need to be fixed because your “determination” is taking a wrong turn.
This hadith is a reminder to keep your awareness open – when is too much, far too much! Flexibility is not a failure! Know when to take a break and when to give up!
19) Saying you’re fine, when you’re not, does not benefit anyone (including you!)
Sometimes amidst our formalities and people-pleasing tendencies, we don’t let people show love and care to us – then after so many NOs, they stop offering help too – which may make us feel like they don’t even care. Please remember that accepting help isn’t a sign of weakness. Especially if someone is offering it already. If they were offering it as a formality and they didn’t mean it – while you said yes to it, at least they’ll be careful next time and will only offer help when they actually mean it.
It was narrated that Asma’ bint Yazid said: “Some food was brought to the Prophet ﷺ and it was offered to us. We said: ‘We do not have any appetite for it.’ He ﷺ said: ‘Do not combine hunger and lies.’” [Ibn Majah 3298]
People around us aren’t mind-readers (only Allah is closer to our jugular vein and only He knows what we need and when), so try asking for help when no one offers and be specific. Whatever you need help with, try communicating. They may or may not do it. This way, we become open to rejection as well and they become aware (which is the first step to bring any change).
20) Allah will be Merciful to us if we’ll be merciful to our kids
I have a reminder on my wall – “Lillah” (for the sake of Allah) – making sure I see it day in and day out, reminding myself that whatever good I do as a mother for the sake of Allah is an ibaadah. My kids come from the rahim (womb) and deserves the rahm (mercy).
The Prophet ﷺ said: The Compassionate One has mercy on those who are merciful. If you show mercy to those who are on the earth, He Who is in the heaven will show mercy to you. [Abu Dawud 4941]
So when you smile at your kids even though you just cried in the bathroom, consider it rahmah. When you hug your children even though you’re too exhausted to move your limbs, consider it rahmah. When you bite your tongue even though you want to scream at the kids because they have stepped on your every last nerve, consider it rahmah. When you re-tell a story 100th time even though you just want to sleep, consider it rahmah. When you nurse your teething child the whole night while sacrificing your rest, consider it rahmah.
To the world, it may go unnoticed but not by the One who sees it all… And One Day, when you will need this rahmah the most, I hope it all comes back to you manifolds!
FIND PART 6 HERE!
21) We get to expand our rewards through good tarbiyah
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “He who calls others to follow the Right Guidance will have a reward equal to the reward of those who follow him, without their reward being diminished in any respect on that account.” [Riyad as-Salihin 1382]
Tarbiyah can be so difficult some days. But this hadith always encourages me to keep going because this is one of my biggest paths to expand my rewards in shaa Allah. So, to a mum who starts her salah with a long surah – only to shorten it for her crying child, I make dua that Allah gives you the kind of ecstasy that will never die even though the volume of such joy has the power to kill you. To a mum who feels numb as she rushes through each salah trying to do everything for everyone but she never gives up because she doesn’t want her kids to give up on prayer either, I make dua that you are given a life full of barakah – a life that helps you achieve everything you set your mind to while never compromising on the heartbeats so slow that you can hear them hum between the pauses of your breath. And remember this hadith when your sacrifices become their source of guidance! in shaa Allah.
22) A smile is enough some days – when you’re in the middle of a burnout!
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Do not disdain a good deed, (no matter how small it may seem) even if it is your meeting with your (Muslim) brother with a cheerful face.” [Riyad as-Salihin 694]
Some days, a smile is all you can give. A fake smile, but a smile nonetheless. Some people describe grief as a dark fog that is difficult to shake, others speak of the suffocating regret and anxiety that often accompany those feelings, still others speak about grief as waves that rise up and subside at different points. Sometimes people expect to follow a particular timeline of grief, but the reality is that the journey of grief is different for everyone. The goal is to learn how to live with it and create a new normal despite the huge piece that is missing. So, when you are having those days where you are barely pushing through, even a fake smile is an effort. You may not be able to play with your kids or check off your lists or teach your kids all the things you wanted to teach them. But you smile. And a smile is enough.
23) Kids belong in the masjid too – take them often (for practise)
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin Shaddad, this his father said: “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) came out to us for one of the nighttime prayers, and he was carrying Hasan or Husain. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) came forward and put him down, then he said the Takbir and started to pray. He prostrated during his prayer, and made the prostration lengthy.” My father said: “I raised my head and saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) while he was prostrating so I went back to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) finished praying, the people said: “O Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), you prostrated during the prayer for so long that we thought that something had happened or that you were receiving a revelation.’ He said: ‘No such thing happened. But my son was riding on my back and I did not like to disturb him until he had enough.’” [Sunan an-Nasa’i 1141]
I remember the time when I finished my prayer at the mosque and saw an elderly woman dragging my then 9 month old by the arm. I tried to tell myself “perhaps she couldn’t pick her up”. She was angry that my baby was passing (quietly) in front of the ladies who were praying. I wanted to tell her these hadith. But I simply picked up my baby and left the masjid. The next day, I showed up again. If I had given up after being scolded, my kids would have been deprived of the beautiful experiences they had in the mosques. It paid off Alhamdulillah, because now, after 2 years of the incident, my toddler stays quiet and put, throughout the khutbah and salah (through constant practise). Ibaadah is not exclusive to old people alone. A young person brought up in the worship of Allah will be 1 of the 7 people under Allah’s shade in akhirah! So may we welcome kids in the mosques to pray with us even when our bones and patience grow weak because they are the future of this ummah!
24) Kids are not just the gift in this dunya, but also the aakhirah!
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) as saying: When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except three things, namely, perpetual sadaqah (charity), or the knowledge by which benefit is acquired, or a pious child who prays for him. [Sunan Abi Dawud 2880]
To a mum who prays with a sleeping child in her arms and her back aches as a result, I make dua that your spine builds the strength to carry many generations standing proudly on your strong shoulders. To a mum who extends her prostration to accommodate a playing child on her back so her children could associate salah with cherishable memories, I make dua that your rewards weigh so heavy on your scale that you enter jannah without account. To a mum who feels disconnected from her spirituality amidst the chaos around her – yet she persists to pray to leave an example for her children, I make dua that your roots of imaan become so strong that no roaring wave can make it stumble. I make dua that it becomes a plant that grows both in the sun and in the shade. And to a generation raised on prayer mats, I make dua that your mother’s efforts and investment in your imaan bear fruits so sweet, that you are able to taste that sweetness in your salah. If that’s the result of all of the above, our prayer mats are forever yours…
