On Masculinity, Responsibility, and a World that Depends on It – Jamiatul Ulama KZN
Gentlemen, we women need your masculinity and rely on it for everything to run smoothly.
Yesterday, my children and I were learning the story of Prophet Yusuf عليه السلام, and we came to the part where the wife of the Aziz tried unsuccessfully to seduce Yusuf, got caught, and then falsely accused Yusuf of trying to seduce her. Upon hearing the tepid, lukewarm response of the wayward woman’s husband to his wife’s cheating and selfishness, one of my sons said,
“How strange! The Aziz had everything: he had the power, the authority, the money, and the right to do something. But he did absolutely nothing! What kind of man is this?”
A man who does not react to his wife actively trying to cheat on him with another man, a wife who cannot control her lust or reign in her selfishness, a wife who lies and falsely blames others for her own crimes, a wife who refuses to apologize, a wife who does not take any accountability or responsibility for her actions, a wife who actively schemes and plots to get her own selfish way regardless of her rights or the rights of others–
Such a man lacks masculinity.
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Instead of punishing his wife, setting limits and enforcing healthy boundaries that she cannot cross, stopping her evil, correcting her wrongs and restoring justice, compensating her innocent victim (Yusuf), the husband does…nothing. He merely calls her evil “a mistake” and moves on as if nothing happened.
This lead to an innocent man being thrown in jail for years for no reason. It lead to the victim being punished and the perpetrator being rewarded.
An upside-down world.
The abdication of masculine authority and duty is a reversal of the natural order.
Today, some men abdicate their masculinity and abandon their post, like the Aziz did. There are many different ways for masculinity to be abdicated.
Men who over-indulge devious wives and enable the wife’s grasping selfishness while turning a blind eye to her victims are men who allow injustice to occur under their nose, reversing the natural order.
Men who force their wives to work a paid job and who passively rely on their wives’ income, without a reason of illness or other specific situation, are reversing the natural order.
Men who show no gheerah (غيرة, masculine protective jealousy) over their wives, daughters, and women folk, are reversing the natural order.
Men who meekly follow the leadership of a domineering, tyrannical wife and enable female injustice or reckless emotional excesses out of weakness of personality are reversing the natural order.
Men who sit back and watch as women stand up and lead the charge, who are complacent, limp, and feeble, are reversing the natural order.
Men who fail to protect their wives, children, amd families from danger are reversing the natural order.
Men who neglect to guard the external boundaries of the family to prevent attack and neglect to uphold the internal boundaries of the family to prevent injustice or withholding of rights between people under their care, are reversing the natural order.
Men who are unable to set and enforce healthy limits for their dependents, causing chaos and disorder, are reversing the natural order.
Peace requires order.
A man is naturally the leader, provider, protector, guardian, imam, upholder of boundaries, maintainer of structure and order and discipline.
Masculinity is absolutely necessary for peace: it oversees justices, enforces rules and regulations, sets boundaries to ensure fairness, protects and provides and disciplines.
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا.
“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance / defiance- [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.”
[Surat An-Nisa, 34]
A masculine man shoulders more responsibilities because has wider shoulders built for it. He carries the bigger burdens himself as he is the stronger party, thereby allowing his wife to rest in her femininity and to be soft, nurturing, and obedient.
He is disagreeable enough to allow her to be agreeable.
He is strong enough to allow her to be weak and vulnerable.
He is reliable, dependable, and trustworthy enough to allow her to rely on him, depend on him, and have full trust in him.
He is authoritative enough to allow her to follow his authority.
He works and provides financially for the family enough to allow her to focus on homemaking and childrearing.
This is the natural order.
A delicate, precise balance of the masculine and the feminine.
Male-female polarity.
Where masculinity fails or is absent, femininity collapses and chaos ensues. Injustice reigns. Order is lost.
Masculinity is a beautiful thing.
